Life is a mess. Procrastination, debt, bad grades, amongst other things. Seems like all of the good I have done for my self, I systematically undone. I gotta get my shit straight, especially before this weekend.

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

This is the part, where I grow up, and take responsibility for the mistakes ive made. Never again.

This is going to be my expanded, semi private post, since not an insane number of people read this, let alone know this exists.

What a week from hell. From messed up cell phone not getting calls, to alarms not going off, thus missing alot of class, to stress, school, to death.

A friend from high school died. I met her in 9th grade, I sat right next to her in Gloabl studies, first period. (My last name is McDermott, hers was McGlynn) I think the first person I met in high school I didnt know prior. Late 10th grade-ish she was diagnosed with Leukemia. She was in my math class. Her Leukemia went into recession, and she got treated with kemo-therapy. All seemed well. She graduated with our class ON TIME. After going through all that.

Both before and during, she was the same. Always a happy person. Even after hs, we still talked online, on myspace, and the occasional bump into on campus at HVCC. Still really friendly. Well, it seemed as if her visits on myspace would be far and few, and she would almost never be on aim. From what I hear, she just kept to herself, family boyfriend and close friends, as she fought a losing battle with cancer. She went to Boston weekly for treatment and thus lost touch with people.

It inspired me to write a bulletin on myspace which I never do.

"If you had 20 years to define your life how would you define it?

Would you define it by your achievements, your courage, your clothing, you car, your income, your hot significant other, how much you do for others, how much others do for you, how many b*tches you f*ck, how much weed you smoke, how many people you love, how many people love you, how much you love yourself?

Life is how you define it.

Go out, tell a friend you care, your parents you love them, your significant other love now and forever.

Just understand one thing. We are only as tall as the shoulders which we stand on.

Go and enjoy what you have in your life. But bring youself back down to reality, and ask yourself how do I define life? If something doesn't feel right, then its time for a change."

That was a humble reminder, that life shouldnt be taken for granted. All the little patches of rough mean dick in retrospect.

Go out and love life.

Advice of my own I haven't been able to follow well.

So...

I'm at Manhattan College, things are just swell.
I lost roughly 30 lbs (I wear a small in some brands hahahaha)
Classes started yesturday, summer went WAY too quickly
I learned the true definition of how to party

I guess thats all for now. If any of you people are around nyc, lemme know. Life has been swell.hopefully yours has been as well.

Holy shit, I still remember the password.

It's been quite awhile, so heres where I am in life.

1) Heath concerns have flared up, still dont have a diagnosis yet. I already have what I have, and im not dead, so its not a total loss.
2) I'm finishing my last semester at the shit hole known as HVCC. Even with all those tests, I'll probably pull a 3.6
3) I've been accepted to Manhattan College. I would love to go there, however health will determine that. Siena will be my second choice... but oh wait I didnt apply there yet.
4) I still work at Circuit City, but retail is getting frustrating. An office job this summer would be ideal, even if it pays a bit less.
5) Friends dragged me back into Magic... gosh i better not turn into a nerd again. I think designer clothes and popped collars prevent that though.
6) I gained a few pounds, which isnt good. Considering the level of physical activity I have been able to actually do, its not suprising.

Pritty much sums up where I am. Nothing too huge going on, but this summer is going to be awesome, between day tris, concerts and the orgy of car shows. I was reading other peoples blogs and old entrys, and I realize how much I've changed. That whole gamer stage, where I would play endless amounts of games and such. Then the DDR phase. This whole experience from the last year put alot of things into perspective. I've learned alot more to live in the moment. Who gives a fuck about what is in and what is not. Do what you want, be spontaneous. I used to care about getting an awesome car before I was out of college. Like a BMW or a Lexus or something. I still want an IS300, but I have tons of time to get one. I just realized how important having fun is. Take a trip, see the world, get the fuck out of smallbany NY. Time flies, literally. It feels like yesturday was christmas time. It finally dawned on me that today is my last teenage day. Holy shit, time disappears. Hopefully the last month of school will go this quick.

Maybe I should LJ more often, but then again who knows.

Its been quite the time. Yet again I find myself in financial ruin (not really) and another hole to dig myself out of. The credit card will be paid off next check which will make things nice. The next check after that will go directly into my checking account. I need to start using that. I need to move all my monthly expenses over to the checking account, so I use the plastic less. Eventually I wanna cancel the credit card, so I can get a new spiffy looking one. This one just isnt cool enough looking anymore. I need to pay myself off for the amount of clothing, and car related issues that have come up. Between those 2 I roughly owe myself ~ $800 which isnt good, but its nothing that cant be paid off in few pay checks.

I've finally stopped eating out constantly! Its amazing I know, havent paid for myself to go somewhere since Tuesday. It saves a ton of cash. Not to mention its healthier. I plan on taking up snowboarding this winter, so I gotta get my lazy butt back in the gym regularly. A week or so ago I was pritty darn bad, now I gotta push myself to be where I was and then some. I got a month +

I guess its time to make another Tasks list. The things I need to do is starting to mount up again :S

Things have been going pritty solid. Been working alot, making lots of cash, although I personally wish that I had more free time. Staples is now done. I got a new cell phone (Wheee!!!) and I paid off my credit card, which is a really good thing. Im kinda bored right now. Theres really nothing to do, or that I feel I should be doing. Infact ive gotten quite lazy. I have mounds of stuff I need to do, including cleaning out my room and car, as well as a few other misc errands. I have a good amount of spending cash coming along, and I dont know what I want to spend it on. I was looking at a watch, or bose head phones, and a few other things. Pritty much anything technology of fashion I probably looked at. Theres so much more stuff I need though. I gained some weight too, its something thats lingering on my mind, and im starting to notice it effect me subconsciously. Its something im realizing I have to make time for. I got such much left too do tomorrow and wednesday as well. Its going to be the only large block of time i'll have off for awhile. The funny thing is im working tomorrow. But I have the afternoon off. That ends my rant for july (even though its august) Im sure my outlook will change a day or two.

1) Working at Staples
2) Working at Circuit City
3) Summer class
4) Car stuff
5) no life

anyways... after sat, numbers 1,3, and 5 will be gone. Hopefully CC bumps the hours up, so I can afford things like new clothing, which I need more than Pregg-o-Britney needs a new husband. Pritty much everything is looking up, and things tend to unfold how they should

im rich bitch

actually in reality, my dad paid me back what he owed me, and got some lat birthday stuff. basically i came out with like $800 lol, $100 to books though... Im still owed mad bling too, like $545 to be exact.

Oh yes, component speakers you will be mine... you will be mine.

overall last semester, i got a 3.8, pritty good, lets do better next semester =P Summer is here, I cant wait to go places and do things.

how could i forget you poor LJ, I havent updated you in so long. Just curious, who actually still reads this?

I gotta go to class. I think I will. I'll even update this sometime.

I havent updated this thing in more than a month, so here I am, updating. I mostly use my myspace page now. For those who don't know, its http://profiles.myspace.com/users/8063111

I got back from URI, it was a good time, but im beat... or maybe I just caught mono from adam hahahahaha. Probably not. School is going well, if im not mistaken, i should have 3 A's and a B, which is a 3.8, but we'll know for sure on monday. As for girls, I really havent cared at all. And my grades show it haha. Its almost a whole point higher. What else is new... umm not much, I installed a new TV tuner in my computer, which works nicely. This bitch needs a reformat too. but im not going to do that for awhile. There is too much stuff to back up first.

AAW this year was rockin too. B Diddy is still the best dancer I know. Off the hizzle fo shizzle. And I cant wait for my spring break. Its not that im going anywhere special, or doing anything life altering, I just need a week off to rest and recover.